a believer

22:35

Imagine not having any rigid religious beliefs, all but one, that there exists a higher power, a divine power which can't be called an entity, which is bigger than anything and everything, simply unfathomable.

I have spent the last few days in a slump, I lied to myself a lot pretending to not know why I am in this situation because confrontation always leads to further complication doesn't it.

We all have to have a "purpose" in life otherwise we wouldn't be here right now? 

A slight change in perception could make something like life either immensely complex or really simple

Too many little incidents have happened in a few days and I have looked at them as signs from this annoying power which is supposedly omnipresent, but in retrospect could these incidents just be slightly irregular coincidences and nothing more. 

I look at them as signs because my subconscious wants to, does that make me an optimist or a miserable fool here?

Expecting something often leads to disappointment but when you stop expecting what do you have left? What is there that you will now work towards, the simple notion of having expectations would suggest that there is something you want and if there is something you want you will instinctively want to work to obtain it in order to gratify yourself giving your life a purpose however meaningless it may be and without a purpose life is "meaningless" 

and we still talk about how it would be best to not have any expectations. 

Lets talk about, I don't know what to talk about anymore, which is also a lie I just didn't know how to transition from one topic to another,

do you ever save music, like 

its great music, its the absolute best and you want more people to hear it but you don't want to lose it

you don't want to share it with people because they leave and take the music with them, they take a part of you with them and you can't listen to the beautiful music anymore without having to think about them, about where they are and how they are so you just keep waiting for them, the person who would not take away another beautiful song you keep close to your heart but instead listen to it with you, you are tired and you desperately want them to be there as soon as possible. 

I want to type more but I don't know what to write on, this post would contain enough insight on me for the day anyway, so the last thing I will mention is that 

you efforts are noticed and appreciated sometimes I don't have the courage to thank you out loud but I am grateful for you. 

average wanker uwu